Forgive me for going all English-y on you for a minute with this Charles Dickens quote that I didn’t get in 9th grade, and then thought was stupid for much of my early 20s:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
No, really, I get it now.
It’s the best of times because next month I’ll be doubling any amount I ever brought home as someone’s employee.
It’s the worst of times because just after Christmas through this week we were scraping by, avoiding driving to save gas money and rationing bacon.
It’s the age of wisdom because I feel like a B-A for freelancing and giving out quotes and accurately assessing the value of projects.
It’s the age of foolishness because we’re not financially secure and have tons of student loans.
It’s the epoch of belief because I’ve never been driven to rely on God this much and it’s unfolding me in strange ways.
It’s the epoch of incredulity because it still feels like I’m about to get called into the principals office for “not having a job”.
It’s the season of Light because I’ve never had more time to rest and clean our home and generally not be stressed about my living situation.
It’s the season of Darkness because my panic attacks came back to make Christmas (& most of my nights since) super stressful.
Things can be amazing and awful at the same time. So I’m going to assume that what matters which theme you lift up with all your strength when you dig down deep. (Which is why I tend to share my joy loudly or struggle with my fears silently).
How do you handle ambivalence and equally balanced good and bad? Do you hate that Charles Dickens quote, too?